Lokomoko Kitchen Nightmares...

What just happened on the November 6, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- Kitchen gags

- Joke time with the babies on another Baby Talk. They're joking with the CRIBS!

- A different kind of foundation that some say that they are finding compatible names for babies. All we know is that its called the Sa Ngalan Ng Anak Foundation.

Sa Ngalan ng Anak Foundation

- In Lokomoko's new drama, Babuyan, Suspense flows as Donya Martha argues to Don Lucio, knowing that Angela could be the real child. With such happenings, Margaret drank what it believed to be poison but turned out to be Donya Martha's urine sample (?). Is Angela the real child of Don Lucio? What does Donya Martha's urine sample taste like? Is it sweeter since Donya Martha's diabetic? Find out soon on Babuyan!

- Whose Line Is It Anyhow?!

1) Bakit ba ako ang lagi niyong ginagamit para ayusin ang pagkakamili niyo? - Eraser

2) Bakit ba lagi nyo akong pinapalakpakan? - Lamok

3) Lagi na lang akong inaahas - Gubat

4) Bakit ba turo kayo ng turo sa akin? - Turo-Turo

5) Para ako ng para, hindi nama ako sumasakay - MMDA

6) Kayang-kaya basta't sama sama! - Tingting ng walis

7) Kayo ang boss ko - Emplyeyado

Feel like a kid again on Lokomoko

What just happened on the October 23, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- Playground gags

- The Merry Puppet Show hosted by a puppet who is not really a puppet, Mary Puppet!

The Merry Puppet Show

- Baby Talk! The babies are sputtering out some hilarious jokes.

- Dr. Long M.D. (Long Mejia) is back on his another case. This time, he deals with some guy (JC De Vera), whose favorite song was Anak.

- A Lokomoko drama titled Babuyan! Starring Eula Caballero as Angela, Long Mejia as Pedring, Tuesday Vargas as Milagro, Alwyn Uytingco as Ricardo, JC De Vera as Don Lucio, Valeen Montenegro as Donya Martha, Arci Munoz as Margaret, Rainier Castillo as Servando, and Daiana Menezes as Josefa.

- Whose Line Is It Anyhow?!

1) Pangtakip na lang ako lagi sa baho mo! - Pabango

2) Hindi ako nawawalan ng date - Kalendaryo

3) Kelan ba ako madidiligan? - Cactus

4) Lahat ng kanta ko hit! - Song Hits

5) Nilalayasan mo nalang ako kapag may nakuha ka ng pera sa akin - ATM Machine

6) Mas masarap akong kainin kapag walang buhok - Mais

7) Bakit natutuwa pa kayo tuwing nawawala ako? - Magician

Lokomoko on Sundays

Would have been weird that we're moved on Sundays? Anyway, what just happened on the October 16, 2011 episode of Lokomoko, new and improved?

- Car wash jokes

- Tirsong Tuso (JC De Vera) is back and this time, he's making troubles at the temple.

- Dr. Long M.D. (Long Mejia) is at your service

- WK-POP (Walang K-Pop) with the Boyz Avenue

- The new-and-improved Whose Line Is It Anyhow?!

1) Alam ko na hindi ako una, pero pag wala siya, ako ang ginagamit mo! - Duplicate Key

2) Titigas ang ulo mo sa akin! - Helmet

3) Lagi mo na lang ako chine-check-in - Balikbayan Box

4) Bakit ba lagi mo nalang ako pinagsasalitaan ng kung ano ano? - Microphone

5) Bakit ba lahat na lang ng sabihin ko, mali sa inyo? - Pagasa

6) Pagkatapos niyo akong pagandahin, sisirain niyo lang pala ako sa huli at itatapon?! - Gift Wrapper

7) Pa kopya naman?! - Xerox Machine

Lokomoko Gone Fishing

So, the Lokomoko guys gone fishing on the September 30, 2011 episode. Because they're gone fishing, there will be fishing gags. And when there's fishing gags, TALENTADONG FAMILY gone camping for some jokes like these:

1) Bonfire - Iha, nabalitaan ko sa twitter na dito sa gubat na to, meron daw Dracula! Iha, wag nating lalapitan yun, BONFIRE yun eh!

2) Gadgets - Bagets?

3) Vacation - Playstation?

4) Fishing - Masyadong maikli ang tali mo. Kumuha ka ng FISHING mahaba!

5) Kamote - Tingan mo ang pantal mo, ayan hindi na yan mawawala, kamot ka ng KAMOTE!

6) Snakes - Who's SNAKES in line?

7) Camping - Paano ka ca-camping, wala kang pinggan!

...after this whole camping, let's go to Inday Garutay's sari sari store for something Inday Garutay called it "MISCOMMUNICATION". For instance;

1) "Lagi may toyo sa ulo"

2) "Yung kasambahay ni Dianne, lagi siyang sinasabon ni Dianne"

3) "Tinubuan ng sungay"

4) "Make-up test"

5) "Nagsusunog ng kilay"

6) "Nag-iisang dibdib"

7) "Binabakuran"

8) "Anak ng tupa"

...and that's it for Inday Garutay's Miscommunication. Hope we like "cold cats" as our pulutan. Ha ha ha!

Time to wrap it our fishing trip with a little game of "WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYHOW?!"

1) Sige, hubarin mo na ang suot mo, tatanggalin ko ang lamig mo sa katawan! - Masahista

2) Hindi ako rocker, pero kayang kaya kong mag rock! - Rocking chair

3) Lagi na lang akong tagasalo - Bra

4) Nakunan ako! - model

5) Bakit hindi kayo sigurado tuwing sinasabi n'yo kung ano ako? - baka

6) Ako ang biktima ng murder - Daliri/kuko

7) Bakit kahit matanda na ako binebeybi nyo pa rin ako? - Aling Baby

WWEeeW Wrestling!

What just happened on the September 23, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- Junk shop gags

- Magalang Republic's WWEeeW Wrestling! Who will win the fight? Brock Obama and Under Caretaker or Rey Mystica and Harlene Batista? This is one heck of a "magalang" smackdown at the Raw!

Harlene Batista vs. Under Caretaker

Rey Mystica vs. Brock Obama

- Wanlu's here with his Mr. Press Secretary for some Press Conference with some Press-related jokes

- Whose Line Is It...Anyhow?! with Tuesday Vargas and the Lokomoko gang!

1) Araw araw lagi mo kong nakikita - Araw

2) Pag ako ay iyong pinaiinit sa gabi lagi na lang ako naluluha - Kandila

3) Kering keri ko yan! - Kargador

4) You will see me at the end of the rainbow - Letrang W

5) Kahit pilipitin mo ako, wala kang mapipiga - Tuyong Damit

6) Punong-puno na ako - Puno

7) Sisihin mo ang sarili mo kung panget ako sa paningin mo! - Salamin

Miss Loko 2011

Edgar Mortiz

That September 16, 2011 episode of Lokomoko is all about beauty pageant and yes, the Miss Loko 2011 beauty pageant has just begun. This beauty pageant's never without some production number courtesy of Voyz Avenue!

Voyz Avenue

This beauty pageant can't get even more funny!

Venus Saturno - Ms. Quezon City

Judge Stregan

"How can we uplift our economy today even
though we are currently under an economic crisis?"

Nina Ricci Aligue - Ms. Palawan

Judge Je-Mon

"Which is your favorite body part, and why?"

Shamsey Straw - Ms. Vigan

Judge Jomar Vinay

"Kung ipapanganak kang muli, ano ang mas pipiliin mo?
Ipanganak ng maganda pero mahirap,
o mayaman pero pangit, at bakit?"

...okay, enough for now. We'll come back later for more but here's more BATTLE OF THE BRAINLESS: MINDLESS MASTERS EDITION!

Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain

Marian Agoncillo

Dingdong Pepot

Bea Flores

Zanjoe Yllana

Question 1: Sino itong dating Kapamilya na ngayon ay Kapatid na? Asawa siya ni Julius Babao. Ang initials niya ay T.B.

Answers: Television, Tuberculosis, Teddy Bear, Tokwa't Baboy, Totoy Bibbo, Totoy Bato, Tonyong Bayawak, Tombabauta, Tito Boy, Aiza Seguerra

Question 2: Isang kontrobersyal na tao na tinaguriang "F.G." Ang initials niya ang M.A, sino ito?

Answers: Madame Auring, Madame Auring, Madame Auring, Minnie Aguilar, Maribel Aunor, Max Alvarado, Mon Alvir

...okay, now that we had our laugh, let's go back to the Miss Loko 2011!

Vakka Manalo - Ms. Sulu

Judge Tinbiber

"Bakit ikaw ang dapat manalo ngayong gabi?"

Lara Kegahaman - Ms. Camiguin

"What is Sex?"

Melauit Marquez - Ms. Leyte

"What can you say about the handsome
young men of today?"

Shaolin Gonzales - Ms. Bukidnon

"Naniniwala ka ba sa survey na maliit na porsyento
na lang ng Pilipino ang nagugutom ngayon? Bakit?"

Alma Consumicion - Ms. Bocaue

"Your boyfriend wants to celebrate his birthday
by having sex with you. Knowing that your virginity
is at stake, how will you handle the situation?"

Dia Rhea Clitorres - Ms. Basilan

"What is the biggest problem
facing the youth today?"

...and that wraps it. Guess this whole Miss Loko 2011 beauty pageant is nothing but this week's gags. Kinda laughed about the answer to the "What is Sex" question in a mathematical way.

What's the best way to conclude this episode? Oh yeah! WHOSE LINE IS IT...ANYHOW?!

1) Bakit niyo ako nilalagyan ng jacket? Di naman ako giniginaw! - Ngipin

2) Barya barya lang maligaya na ako - Alkansya

3) Umulat umaraw maasahan mo ako! - Payong

4) Kapag tumibok ang puso wala ka nang magagawa kundi tumakbo - Bangkay

5) Isa ang pinasukan tatlo ang nilabasan - T-Shirt

6) Ako na lang lagi ang nilalapitan mo pag nagkakatulo ka! - Tubero

7) Ako ang sagot sa iyong katanungan - Sagot

Battle of the Brainless: Mindless Masters Edition Round Four!

What just happened on the September 9, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- Rural gags

- It's everyone's préféré! Battle of the Brainless Mindless Masters Edition!

Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain

Cherry Guy Picache

Pip Sotto

Jinky Doo

Manny Misalucha

Question 1: Sino itong fictional character sa pelikula na ginagampanan ng actor na si Chris Evans? Siya ay may initials na C.A.

Answers: Cash Advance, Court of Appeals, Commonwealth Avenue, Cory Aquino, Cayetano Arellano, Justice Cayetano Arellano, Caloy Alde, Caloy America, Corporal America, COLONEL AMERICA

Question 2: Sino itong artistang pinag-aagawan ng mga lalaking sina Coco at Matteo? Siya ay may initials na M.S.

Answers: Midnight Snack, Magic Sing, Max Sorvan, Meteor Shower, Mega Star, Medium Star, Meryl Streep, Marita Sobel, Maritess Samson, Maricel Soriano, Meryl Soriano, Baby Meryl Soriano, Maita Soriano, MASTER SHOWMAN

- Magalang Republic in DEMOLITION

- More of Whose Line Is It...ANYHOW?!

1) Nung sanggol ka kailangan mo ako at ngayong matanda ka na kailangan mo nanaman ako! - Diaper

2) Lagi na lang masama ang loob mo pag wala ako. - pera

3) Lagi nyo na lang inaabangan ang katapusan ko! - buwan

4) Wag kang mag alala paliligayahin ko ang mga anak mo! - Toys/Laruan

5) Ang taong gipit sa akin kumakapit - Bumbay

6) Grabe! Ang mga magulang koy parang mantika - Baby oil

7) Buhay ng anak mo ang kapalit kapag nasira ako - Condom

Bird's Avenue again...

What just happened on the September 2, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- Ukay-ukay gags

- Let's go back to Bird's Avenue for some jokes with the birds!

- The doctors' struggles against the Dengue outbreak

- Time for another Whose Line Is It...Anyhow?!

1) Hay buhay. Patay na patay ang negosyo! - Punerarya

2) Hindi lahat ng puti, malinis! - Dirty White

3) Hindi lahat ng party, masaya - 3rd party

4) I'll be watching you! - CCTV camera

5) Kaya kong bigyan ng kahulugan ang lahat sa buhay mo - dictionary

6) Kailanan hindi bagay sa akin ang long hair - ilong

7) Malayo ang tingin, wala namang tinatanaw - umiihi

Le Cirque D' Lokomoko

On the August 26 episode of Lokomoko, there were circus gags. There were lion tamers act like lions, mimes, fortune tellers, jugglers, oh wait. Let's go to Birds' Avenue!

The jokes from Birds' Avenue:

1) Anong isda ang nangangarate? - Tilapia!

2) Anong hayop ang gumagamit ng brief? - Bird!

3) Anong hayop ang nagtatanggal ng brief? - Angry Birds!

4) Ano ang sabi ng baboy sa isang baboy? - Yuck! Ang baboy mo naman!

5) Ano ang ultimate dream ng isang zebra? - Magkaroon ng colored picture!

6) Anong hayop ang palaging ayos? - OX!

7) Ano ang ginagawa ng mga palaka sa umaga? - Nag fa-frog ceremony!

...anyway, back for some circus gags with the disappearing act, Then, Lola Osna (CV: Wanlu) is back and she's hanging out with the rest at the Sari-Sari Store, using the word "MAN" as the keyword for Lola Osna's jokes! The ideal man?

1) 12 years old pababa, mahilig manood ng TV, na cartoons. Ang ideal man niya, si SUPERMAN!

2) 18 years old. Mahilig sa romance. Ang gusto niya, THE BEST MAN!

3) 20's, magastos, ang hinahanap niya, RICH MAN!

4) 30's, nagseseryoso, ang hinahanap niya, FAMILY MAN!

5) 40's, desperado, ang hinahanap niya, BASTA MAN!

6) 50's, mas desperado, MAGING SINO KA MAN!

7) 60's mga magsasalin na, ang dasal "Lord, maawa ka na man!"

8) 70's, KAYA KO PA NA MAN!

9) 80's like Lola Osna, MAHIPO MAN LANG!

10) Ang lolo ay ang ideal man ni Lola Osna...MAN-YAKIS!

11) Bagay nila. Dahil si Lola Osna ay HAYOP SA LA-MAN!

After that, the moment we've been waiting for! Whose line is it...ANYHOW?!

1) Wait lang ha! - Waiter

2) Wag nyo kong tawaging maitim! Hindi ako maitim! - Blackboard

3) Palagi mo na lang inuungkat ang aking nakaraan! - history book

4) Kung makahampas ka naman ng diyaryo kala mo close tayo - langaw

5) Wala kang maitatago sa akin! Nababasa ko kahit kalooban mo! - X-Ray

6) Ligaya ang itawag mo sa akin! - Ligaya

7) Di nako magbabago kahit kailan - luma

Mga Kwento ni Lola Osna

What just happened on the August 19, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- Harana gags

- Wanlu guests and this time, meet his new puppet, Lola Osna! Lola Osna's here for some jokes that laughed the kids-at-heart out! Word for the day: LAUGH!

1) Ano pong nakakatawang sinasabi sa mahal niyo? - I LAUGH You

2) Nakakatawang sagot? - I LAUGH you too!

3) Sinong senador ang nakakatawa? - Sen. LAUGH Recto

4) Sinong action star na nakakatawa? - Lito LAUGH-id

5) Sinong presidente ang nakakatawa? - ELAUGH!

6) Sinong host sa Juicy ang nakakatawa? - ShalaLAUGH!

7) Meron bang nakakatawa? Sino? - Nino MuLAUGH

8) LAUGHing isa...LAUGHING dalawa...LAUGHing tatlo....LAUGHing siyam

9) Nakakatawang sulat ni Jose Rizal? - LAUGH Solidaridad

10) Nakakatawang animal? - Gi-LAUGH?

11) Sa electronic gadgets, may nakakatuwa? - LAUGH-top

12) Kanino namatay sa kakatawanan si Magellan? - LAUGH-u LAUGH-u

13) Ano po ang nakakatawang soap opera? Nagbabagang BuLAUGHlak

14) Nakakatawang ibon? - KaLAUGHati

15) Nakakatawang pagtawag sa kalapati? - CLAUGH

16) Saan nakikita ang kalapating nag-ca-clap - Night CLAUGH

17) Nakakatawang ginagawa sa night club? - LakLAUGHan

18) Anong isda ang nakakatawa? - Clown Fish

- The Talentadong Family got stranded with the jeep broken.

1) FLAMINGO - Ay, akala ko, apple tree. Yun FLAMINGO pala.

2) MOUNTAIN - Di ba malayo tayo dun sa lugar ng madaming preso? Dun sa MOUNTAIN-lupa? Safe tayo dito!

3) CRUSTACEAN - Akala ko na sa UN Station na tayo. Yun pala nasa Lito CRUSTACEAN!

4) Camachile - Alam niyo, bagay na bagay talaga sila alam mo bakit? Dahil mage CAMACHILE!

- Another game of WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYHOW?!

1) Talagang gusto nyo munang manigas ako bago nyo gamitin! - yelo

2) Lagi na lang akong me sabit! - hanger

3) Humanda kayo! Dahil ako ang pambato! - Bato

4) Nakakahalata nako ha! Himas ka ng himas sa'kin pero sa kanya ka naman lagi nakatingin - Computer mouse

5) Lahat ng umapak sakin umangat. - hagdan

6) Karamihan ng babae, tumitili kapag nakikita ako. - ipis

7) Kahit takbuhan mo pa ako ng mabilis! Hindi ka makakalayo sa akin! - treadmill

Battle of the Brainless: Mindless Masters Edition Round Three!

What just happened on the August 12 episode of TV5's Lokomoko?

- Survivor gags

- For the third time, another Battle of the Brainless Mindless Masters Edition with Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain (Tuesday Vargas) and the contestants!

Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain

Valeen Malalim

JC Ejercito

Edgar Sya

Arcy D Horsie

Question 1: Sinong senador ang Majority Floor Leader ngayon na may initials na T.S.?

Answers: Tony Santos Sr., Tony Santos Jr., Tita Sawrding, Tatay ni Sharon, Tiyuhin ni Sharon, Tito ni Sharon

Question 2: Sino ang dating PCSO chairman na iniimbistigahan ngayon sa Senado? Ang initials siya na MM.

Answers: Mickey Mouse, Melanie Marquez, Margie Moran, Mike Magat, Mario Montenegro, Mokey Mountain, Mokey Manaloto, Manolin Meynes

- Inday Garutay and the dudes who went "Usapang Lasing"

- Another Whose Line Is It Anyhow?!

1) Kung hindi naman ako bubukaka hindi mo ako pakikinabangan! - Gunting

2) Sasamahan kita kahit saan wag lang sa dilim. - Anino

3) Bakit kayo kinakabahan pag sinabi kong think positive? - Pregnancy test

4) Humanda kayo may bomba akong pasasabugin! - Terorista

5) Lagi nyo na lang akong pinagtatawanan - clown

6) Maghanda ka pag napuno ako! - alkansya

7) You have the right to remain silent! - Pipi

Battle of the Brainless: Mindless Masters Edition Round Two!

What just happened on the August 5 episode of Lokomoko?

- Cliff gags

- Makata Tawanan is back and the whole Lokomoko gang are about to clash in an all-out Balagtasan!

- For the second time, round two of Battle of the Brainless: Mindless Masters Edition with Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain (Tuesday Vargas)! Check out the questions along with brainless answers that sound wrong but definitely funny!

Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain
(Tuesday Vargas)

Ranier Requestas (Rainier Castillo)

Diane Kananaman (Dianne Medina)

Joseph Fruit (Joseph Bitangcol)

Empoy Garovilo (Empoy)

Question 1: Sinong artista ang matagal nalagi sa Amerika at ngayon ay isang bagong "Kapatid"? May initials siya na N.A.

Answers: New Arrival, Noah's Ark, Neil Armstrong, Nicanor Abelardo, Nelson Asaytono, Ninoy Aquino, Noynoy Aquino, Babae si Noynoy Aquino?, National Anthem, N.A. Lopez

Question 2: Ano itong lugar na kung saan nakikita ang mga senador? Nagsisimula ito sa letrang "S".

Answers: Sabungan, sinehan, sing-along bar, simbahan, sampayan, sementeryo, sauna, Session Road

- Another game of Whose Line is It Anyhow?! Check out the lines;

1) Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itatanggi! - Utot

2) Pabigat nalang ba ang tingin mo sa akin? - paperweight

3) Hindi lahay ng bag, pwede paglagyan. - Eyebag

4) Lagi niyo na lang akong tinatapak-tapakan. - sahig

5) Bakit ba di ko marating ang swerte? - Malas

6) Wala akong mukhang maihaharap sayo. - Likod

7) Wala ka nang ginawa kundi bilangan ako! - Calculator

8) Pinaglalaruan mo lang ako! - Laruan

9) Pambihirang buhay 'to. Tinorotot na naman ako! - Torotot

Now that's a loss!

Battle of the Brainless: Mindless Masters Edition

What just happened on the July 29, 2011 episode of Lokomoko?

- War zone gags

- The brainless strikes back as Lokomoko goes Battle of the Brainless: Mindless Masters Edition!

Charlie Younghusband (Caloy Alde)

Sec. Laila Gumila (Tuesday Vargas)

Sen. Ping Loyzaga (Empoy)

Question 1: Anong uri ng hayop si "Bangis"?

Answers: Bampira, paniki, bat, low bat, butete, buteteng may pangil, palaka, palakang bato, Babaeng Hampaslupa

Angel Locsintus Bacillus Shrotastrain (Tuesday Vargas)

Noynoy Zuniga (Rainier Castillo)

Binay Morales (Valeen Montenegro)

Question 2: Sinong matinee idol na dating miyembro ng "The Hunks" ang may initials na "P.P."?

Answers: P.P. Pimintel, P.P. Smith, P.P. Agimat, P.P. Gandanghari, Peter Pan, Pong Pagong, Pedro Penduko

Sheriff Cosim (JC De Vera)

Sara Butete (Dianne Medina)

Question 3: Ito ay isang nobela ng ating pambansang bayani, ang titulo nito ay "Noli Me______"

Answers: Castro, Fa-Sol-La-Ti-Do, Title, Topak, Tililing, Noli Me Toyo

- Another Whose Line Is It Anyhow?!

1) Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap hanap mo. Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapago. Hindi ka na naawa! - Aircon

2) Andito ako sa tapa ng bahay! - Gate

3) Grabe! Lagi na lang kung tratuhin mo ako, bayaran! - Cashier

4) Cut!!! - Gunting

5) Kainis ka! Lagi mo na lang ako tinutulugan - kama

6) Bangko na naman ako?! Lagi na lang ako bangko! - Bangko

7) Bakit ba pinapabalik-balik n'yo ako? - Yoyo

8) Ang baba naman ng tingin mo sa akin - Baba